how to write a novel, as well as i can figure

26 May

Here’s my method in novel writing, completely unproven so far:

  1. Unload a story into a document on your computer like cheez-wiz blasting out of a can that’s under too much pressure.
  2. Try to keep up while your story goes places you weren’t expecting.
  3. Take risks. Maybe too many; maybe not enough.
  4. Freak out while starring at the whorish document looking back at you.
  5. Wish to God that it wasn’t such a mess or that you had a clue about what to do with it.
  6. Open up your browser and waste precious time looking at bizarre and worthless things on the internet.
  7. Go over to Twitter and tweet about how hard it is to write/edit a novel and how you suck at it just to get it off your chest.
  8. Unplug that damn internet cable while growling and maybe even slapping your palm against your forehead.
  9. Take a few swigs of strong coffee.
  10. Repeat to yourself the Barabra Kingsolver quote, “Chain that muse to your desk and get the job done!”
  11. Type.
  12. Get lost in the work.
  13. Feed off of that insatiable feeling you get when you’re creating.
  14. Feel amazing.
  15. Make a terrible mess of things.
  16. Put down a whole lot of crap and a few brilliant bits, if it’s a good day.
  17. Write when it’s time to write, and edit when it’s time to edit. Don’t torture yourself by mixing the two.
  18. When it comes time to edit (God, have mercy on your soul), delete, delete, delete.
  19. Get excited.
  20. Get discouraged.
  21. Just don’t stop.

I’ll let you know if it ever works.



3 Responses to “how to write a novel, as well as i can figure”

  1. Tom May 26, 2012 at 4:00 pm #

    What’s all this? I thought writing was a piece of cake. Mostly frosting. Seriously, you have captured writing/editing in a nutshell. I think #8 and #21 are the keys to success in writing. God Bless You and keep up the good work.

    Love, Dad

  2. bjpramann May 28, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    Love number 1, nothing’s as great as some healthy brain vomit. Great post.

    • clayanddust May 28, 2012 at 6:25 pm #

      Mmm, brain vomit. I can taste it now!

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