telling myself a story, wondering if it will work

19 Feb

I’ve been getting scared for my story. This past year, plugging away at it non-stop, I never doubted it. I saw how completely messed up it was and toiled endlessly to clean up the mess, but I never once thought to myself that I should let it go and move on to something else.

Now something has changed, and I can’t beat down this fear that is nagging in the back of my mind.

The really odd thing is, the story is looking better than it ever has before. I’ve figured out so many of the problems that I started with, and things are finally coming together. I might even have it ready for agents come May like I had planned.

So why am I doubting it now?

I wish I could answer that question.

I don’t know if the story is going to work. Maybe the first and second books will, but what about the third? What if I get to the last book and discover that I was wrong the whole time? What if it can’t come together like I’m hoping it can?

I’m too inexperienced of a writer. This can’t be working. This can’t be the book that gets me published… can it?

Maybe I just need to step back from it. Start something new. Is that wisdom talking, here when I’m three months out from my self-issued deadline, or just fear?

Maybe this is normal. Maybe everyone feels this way when they’re getting close to sending their story off, and I should just push through and keep going.

Maybe…

I keep hearing other authors talk about the stories they abandoned and never finished, never published, and panic starts to rise up inside of me. Is that what I need to with my story? Let it go and move on?

I have one story that I’ve abandoned and one that I’ve put away maybe to pull back out in the future, and losing those stories didn’t bother me. I learned so much. I came out better for it. I moved on with pleasure.

But the thought of losing the story I’m working on now rips me up inside.

I NEED to finish it; I HAVE to, because I have to find out with happens .

7da0d1f4737ed9bfae504e5bb28f9047

This is it. This is exactly why I’m writing what I’m writing. I’m trying to uncover something. I’m trying to figure out truths about life and about myself. ‘Why?’ and ‘How?’ circle though my mind and keep me going, keep me pulling back the layers, keep me from stopping because I have to know.

I’m going to keep going, you guys. Thanks for letting me think out loud.

*******

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: