do it scared

5 Jun

The phone was ringing, so I checked the caller I.D.

WIRELESS, NY

It only took a moment for my mind to put together that ‘N’ and ‘Y’, and as soon as the realization hit, fear took over. I went from just fine to sick-to-my-stomach-with-dread.

NY. New York. It could only mean one thing.

A call from New York might not strike you as fear-inducing, but then you might not be in the process of querying agents either. I am, and I’m not above confessing that I’ve been petrified for most of it. When I hit the ‘send’ button on my first query… I freaked. When I had an agent tell me that she liked my premise and first chapter then request the whole manuscript… I fell on the ground and wanted nothing more than a deep hole to crawl into. When I saw that ‘N’ and that ‘Y’ on my caller I.D…. I wished to myself that I’d never EVER sent out a query letter to begin with.

My hands were shaking. I took the phone. As much as I didn’t want to, I hit the green button.

“Hello?”

It was my mother-in-law. She was calling from her home phone. In Minnesota.

I mean, is God getting bored or what?

It took me a good fifteen minutes to recover from my mother-in-law’s phone call, and I realized just how afraid I was to move forward with my book. In church last Sunday we had a guest speaker. He told us that he was once horribly afraid of public speaking. You know what he said he did? He did it scared. His advice to us when we need to do something but are afraid: Do it scared.

Do it scared.

I want an agent. I want a book deal. I love telling stories and want a career in writing books.

Writing comforts me; it also pushes me to do things I’ve never done before.

So, I’m going to do it scared. And you know what? I queried another agent this morning and didn’t freak out at all. Querying no longer feels new or scary. I’m comfortable with it. And I’m trusting that one day I’ll be comfortable on the phone with an agent, an editor, even Harper-freaking-Collins!

Right now I just need to do it scared.

*******

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8 Responses to “do it scared”

  1. Tom Demma June 5, 2013 at 4:42 pm #

    Most things we do in life, that we love, we do “scared”. For instance…dating & marrage. Keep up the good work.

    • clayanddust June 5, 2013 at 7:46 pm #

      Very true. And thanks!

  2. purposethroughthepain June 5, 2013 at 4:43 pm #

    Love it! I would have been freaking out too. You’re doing awesome and I’m so excited for you!

    • clayanddust June 5, 2013 at 7:45 pm #

      You should have seen me… You’d have been laughing, that’s for sure!

  3. Dale June 5, 2013 at 6:15 pm #

    Bloody hell Dustin…jump in screaming with both feet!!!!

    • clayanddust June 5, 2013 at 7:44 pm #

      Oh, I’m screaming alright. It’s just not the kind of scream you’d want to hear ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Karen Mahara September 6, 2013 at 5:34 pm #

    I can’t tell you enough how comforting it is to read this. I feel like that is exactly my life right now, though I have not queried my baby, my first MG novel. Totally terrified and totally telling myself, “God’s got this! His timing is perfect.” Yikes, I’m scared, but within a month, I’m going to start my queries, and I’m going to do it scared! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. i hope you’re scared | Oh, Dustin - April 24, 2014

    […] my post about doing things scared? You know – the one that talked about how when you’re doing something and you’re […]

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