Tag Archives: the warrior

i’m doing it anyway

16 Oct

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This is it. The image I’ve decided to put up on my desktop during the month of November. Because it captures what this year’s NaNoWriMo feels like to me.

I’m going to rewrite my story, The Warrior, but this time around I’ve decided to tell the whole story. I’m going to take the three books I had planned out and make each book into one part.

Scene upon scene are losing their places on the paper; fully formed characters are bowing out; something very cool is coming together.

But I’m mostly sure it’s going to be a disaster.

I can’t do this, you guys.

But I’m going to do it anyway.

Surely I’m not the first to try, right?

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telling myself a story, wondering if it will work

19 Feb

I’ve been getting scared for my story. This past year, plugging away at it non-stop, I never doubted it. I saw how completely messed up it was and toiled endlessly to clean up the mess, but I never once thought to myself that I should let it go and move on to something else.

Now something has changed, and I can’t beat down this fear that is nagging in the back of my mind.

The really odd thing is, the story is looking better than it ever has before. I’ve figured out so many of the problems that I started with, and things are finally coming together. I might even have it ready for agents come May like I had planned.

So why am I doubting it now?

I wish I could answer that question.

I don’t know if the story is going to work. Maybe the first and second books will, but what about the third? What if I get to the last book and discover that I was wrong the whole time? What if it can’t come together like I’m hoping it can?

I’m too inexperienced of a writer. This can’t be working. This can’t be the book that gets me published… can it?

Maybe I just need to step back from it. Start something new. Is that wisdom talking, here when I’m three months out from my self-issued deadline, or just fear?

Maybe this is normal. Maybe everyone feels this way when they’re getting close to sending their story off, and I should just push through and keep going.

Maybe…

I keep hearing other authors talk about the stories they abandoned and never finished, never published, and panic starts to rise up inside of me. Is that what I need to with my story? Let it go and move on?

I have one story that I’ve abandoned and one that I’ve put away maybe to pull back out in the future, and losing those stories didn’t bother me. I learned so much. I came out better for it. I moved on with pleasure.

But the thought of losing the story I’m working on now rips me up inside.

I NEED to finish it; I HAVE to, because I have to find out with happens .

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This is it. This is exactly why I’m writing what I’m writing. I’m trying to uncover something. I’m trying to figure out truths about life and about myself. ‘Why?’ and ‘How?’ circle though my mind and keep me going, keep me pulling back the layers, keep me from stopping because I have to know.

I’m going to keep going, you guys. Thanks for letting me think out loud.

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